Day 30.....Live

Day 30     Live

 

Time has helped to ease some of the pain by now, but….you will have days….days that no matter what you do…a gray cloud of loneliness and depression will hurl you into a pity party.  The mere memory of your storm will renew the fear that started the day you were forced into the storm of your life.  You have mastered the art of laughter, believed with all your heart that God has your back, allowed the fellowship of your wonderful friends to seep into your soul and slowly amaze you with the strength you have built. You will feel in your heart that you are strong…able to venture out on your own…able to handle the world and anything it can throw at you.  Beware…the pity party lurks just around the corner…ready to pounce on your newfound spirit.

I found myself in one recently…even after I had written a devotional  about balance. Truth is that the Devil will stop at nothing to take your joy…he will  attack you in the simplest of forms…slither in from his hiding place at just the right time…when he knows you are the weakest.

The day was nothing special. The long trip out of town to transfer a 401K into an IRA wasn’t too bad.  The quick stop over at the Christian book store was even a bit uplifting. After all, I did find a great frame on sale with one of my favorite verses. You would think that Jeremiah 29:11 would stave off any bout of sadness, but somewhere between the quick lunch with my son and the failed attempt to shop, the pity party started. I think it was the third pair of pants that didn’t fit, or maybe it was the $75.00 price tag on a really cute shirt that did fit…( no way was I spending that much money on anything)… or could it have been the fact that once again I was trying to fill my loneliness with a meaningless task?  God tried to warn me…the frame clearly said, “ I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper not to harm….”

God plans for us to live….live productive lives that have purpose and meaning.  Ruth found purpose in working, in gleaning the leftover grains for her mother-in-law.  Boaz even directed his servants to make sure she found enough to sustain Naomi  in her need.

Ruth 2:16:

¹⁶And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.

Jesus saw the purpose in the costly perfume poured out on his feet by Mary.  He saw the humility of her heart as she sacrificed the most expensive thing she owned to show her savior how much she loved him.

Matthew 26

¹And it came to pass, when Jesus had finished all these sayings, he said unto his disciples,

²Ye know that after two days is the feast of the passover, and the Son of man is betrayed to be crucified.

³Then assembled together the chief priests, and the scribes, and the elders of the people, unto the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas,

⁴And consulted that they might take Jesus by subtilty, and kill him.

⁵But they said, Not on the feast day, lest there be an uproar among the people.

⁶Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,

⁷There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.

⁸But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste?

⁹For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.

¹⁰When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.

¹¹For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.

¹²For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial.

I too must live…I must find purpose to move forward.  And as I search…I will need to fight off that pity party when it comes.  God gave the frame…the frame…the one that has the verse I need to remember...the one from Jeremiah that tells me God does have a purpose for me…and will show me his plans for me…in his time.  That frame is still in the car…I guess I need to get it out and put a picture in it…..set it somewhere where I will see it every day.   Maybe I will leave it empty…as a reminder that God has not forgotten me.  Maybe I need to leave it in the car…on my front seat…as a reminder that God is always with me…and all I have to do is follow him. No, I think I will place a large question mark on the back of the picture in it…and pray that God never let me forget to live each day…one at a time...each day providing a bit of the new purpose he has for my life without Mitchell.