Pathway To Peace...Day Four...Pain

Pathway To Peace...Day Four...Pain

Pain, it is so deep, so sharp, so undiscriminating. The pain attacks us physically, mentally and spiritually. The pain I felt ….and still feel…. is the worst ache I have experienced in my 53 years of life. It fills my whole being with a mixture of emotions, none of which help take it away. Some days, I am seemingly blessed with a lull in this pain, but then it seems to find a way to steal away the time remaining in that day.  It is those sweet random memories of our first date, a picture from the wedding, hearing about the miracle that saved my friend’s spouse, or running across that note he scribbled in my Bible, “You are my pearl of great price,” that bring the pain back with a vengeance.
Do not allow pain to take up residence in your soul, for it will play tricks on your heart. It will cripple you, body, mind, and soul from moving forward. It will eventually separate you from the one person who can comfort you. You must learn to turn these painful moments into ones that bring about joy. Yes, we must find a way to turn our pain into joy! Jeremiah spoke of such a transition when he spoke these words of healing to the Jews.
Jeremiah 31:12-13
¹²Therefore they shall come and sing in the height of Zion, and shall flow together to the goodness of the LORD, for wheat, and for wine, and for oil, and for the young of the flock and of the herd: and their soul shall be as a watered garden; and they shall not sorrow any more at all.
   ¹³Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.
God felt this kind of pain, and Jesus did as well. From the first sin of Adam, to the death of Christ on the cross, the creator of our pain knew it better than we. Even my pain from the horrible loss of my true love …my soul mate that God only allowed 3 months to enjoy….that horrible pain of mine could never rival the pain Jesus suffered on that glorious day.  This, the greatest pain anyone ever felt, brought about the greatest joy of all. And unimaginable is the pain that God himself must have felt as his son hung on that cross for our sins.  Oh how very thankful I am that Christ willingly took on this unfathomable pain. Oh how very thankful I am that God allowed his precious son to pay the price for all the sins of the world. Both knowing all along the joy that was waiting for Jesus after he completed God’s will for his life…Jesus spoke some very insightful words to the prisoners who hung beside him on the cross:

Luke 23:43:

   ⁴³And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

I can hardly fathom how much he must have loved me to endure this pain, and what is even more remarkable to me, is that Jesus endured this pain knowing the full suffering he would endure. He did what we all must do when faced with pain. We must focus on the joy to come.

Hebrews 12:2:

   ²Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

It is ironic that the very pain we feel is the vessel God will use to bring the joy. I can only imagine the joy that Jesus must have seen coming to him from the father. That vision of a perfect peace and a lifetime of pure joy must have given him the strength he needed to endure all that pain.

Peter knew well this joy. He spoke of it as he preached. Paul also knew this joy. He boasted of his suffering many times as he spoke of the prize he would receive for being faithful. Both these strong disciples knew the power that turning pain over to the Lord would bring.

1 Peter 1:11

   ¹¹Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow.  

Philippians 3:14:

   ¹⁴I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Turning your pain into joy is not easy. It is a daily battle, as you are confronted with memories of your loved one many times a day. Even for Jesus, this battle must have been a mighty one. When I think about Jesus’ last day on this Earth, completely human, he modeled several behaviors that I believe transformed his horrible pain into joy. First, he prayed.  Oh what a model of fervent prayer we read, as he cried out to God to take his ‘cup’ from him, then in total obedience uttered, “not my will, but thine be done.”  Then knowing his own strength would not be able to complete this massive task, he asked his father to provide the strength he needed to move forward with his will.

Matthew 26:36-41

 ³⁶Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.
   ³⁷And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.
   ³⁸Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.
   ³⁹And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
   ⁴⁰And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?
   ⁴¹Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Then Jesus acted, he stood strong in the knowledge of his purpose in life, healed a soldier’s ear, resisted even then the temptation to call down his father’s angels, and allowed the soldiers to carry him away. He was determined that nothing would keep him from carrying out God’s will.
Matthew 26:51-57
⁵¹And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear.
   ⁵²Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.
   ⁵³Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?
   ⁵⁴But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?
   ⁵⁵In that same hour said Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me.
   ⁵⁶But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.
   ⁵⁷And they that had laid hold on Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.

Finally, he forgave. In the midst of the most incapacitating physical pain of being whipped, having a crown of thorns placed on his head, of splinters imbedding themselves into his hands and blisters forming on his feet from carrying his heavy cross, and two nails being driven into the palms of his hands, he stopped to pray to the father once more. His words, unbelievable to me, asked the father to forgive those that caused his pain!

Luke 23:34:

   ³⁴Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

To stay in pain is a choice. We must move past its crippling effect and search for new joy. For Christ, his joy was the glorious reunion of the trinity. He is sitting on the throne beside his father waiting to help us find our joy. Find time to pray to him. Pray for wisdom to know his current purpose and will for your life, then pray for the strength to complete this task. Next, you must act, you must walk toward this new goal and see these once painful memories as joyous peaceful recollections of the loved one you miss so much. Finally, you must forgive. You must forgive anyone or anything that God reveals to you. It is this final act of forgiveness that softens your heart and allows it to transform the painful moments into peaceful strength.

Pathway to Peace - Day Three – Grief

Pathway to Peace - Day Three – Grief

No matter how many tears you cry, grief will take a stronghold on your mind. It will set up camp in your head and threaten, like a cancer, to spread to other parts of your existence. Grief by definition is, "keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow” *

Until you have experienced this for yourself, you really don’t understand the deep anguish your soul feels in the midst of grief. I found myself in a large, deep hole. The hole was dark, lonely, and very confusing. Even though I had many friends and family holding my hand, somehow I felt mentally separated from their comfort. It is grief that causes you feel that no one else on Earth can find you in this place, that you are in this huge hole alone. In a very physical and mental way, I felt so separated from the wonderful, fulfilling love that I had come to know in my husband. The darkness the loss created was very hard to see in, so I allowed myself for a short time to be overcome by its isolation.

The danger that resting too long in this first stage of grief is that the isolation will become permanent. It will eventually separate us from the one person who can help us. Somehow, even in our weakness we must find a way to conquer this negative emotion so we can begin the process of rebuilding our life. What we must do is replace the love we lost with God’s love. This perfect love is the only love that will begin to show us a pathway to rebuild what we lost.

One example of how we should grieve comes from a study of Job. He lost so much as God allowed Satan to test his faith. He must have felt the same separation as I did when his friends, who wished to console him, sat with him in silence.

Job 2:11-13

   ¹¹Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.

   ¹²And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven.

   ¹³So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.

Another important thing to note about grief is the period of time we spend in mourning. These friends took seven days, one week, or the same amount of time that God took to create this wonderful world we live in….to sit in silence with Job…to allow him to process the loss.  Other examples of grief time are throughout the bible, such as in the story of Joseph or the burial of Aaron.

Genesis 37:33-34

³³And he knew it, and said, It is my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.

   ³⁴And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.

Numbers 20:29:

   ²⁹And when all the congregation saw that Aaron was dead, they mourned for Aaron thirty days, even all the house of Israel.

Even the great King David understood that staying in your grief too long was not the answer to moving forward. He grieved for his sick son while there was still life, but soon after the child was proclaimed dead, he washed himself and tried to find a new starting place.

2 Samuel 12: 19-24

¹⁹But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead.

   ²⁰Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.

   ²¹Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread.

   ²²And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?

   ²³But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.

   ²⁴And David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in unto her, and lay with her: and she bare a son, and he called his name Solomon: and the LORD loved him.

Now is the time to embrace the love of God. You must lean on him as you leaned on this loved one you miss so much. Let God fill the deep hole that grief has created little by little with his amazing love for you. And as he fills this void created by loss, your grief will change direction. It will become a source of strength. It will give you new insight to scriptures that you have read many times. And as God fills in the deep hole that threatens to separate you from him, you will climb back into the light. You will see new purpose and understand how important it is to ‘wash, and anoint yourself, and change your apparel, and come into the house of the LORD, and worship.’

Pathway To Peace - Day Two - Healing Tears

Day Two....Healing Tears

Oh the tears, the tears will come next. The tears will spill so easily onto your cheeks. They will distort the beautiful face you try to paint on that morning …or maybe the macho…I have it together look that I see in some widowers. The strong emotions will turn you into a faucet with no handles. The uncontrolled tears will allow the pain to manifest itself into gut wrenching sobs as you cry out to God for answers. You let them fall freely at first, after all, everyone understands the poor grieving widow or widower.  Then, somehow, you will begin to harden yourself, or maybe you just become numb, or dehydrated, but at some point you begin to have some control over when you totally break down.

The irony of this human way of dealing with our pain is the danger it presents. The absence of tears is equated with the dulling of our pain. We are falsely lured into the belief that we are healing. But in reality, the absence of tears is evidence of your hardened heart. As long as your weakness is manifested in these tears, your human nature is not in control.  If we try to control the tears, we, not God control our healing.  Many places does the bible mention this need to maintain a ‘soft’ heart, but in Hebrews, Paul uses this concept to teach s about this danger.



Hebrews 3:6-10

⁶But Christ as a son over his own house; whose house are we, if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end.

   ⁷Wherefore (as the Holy Ghost saith, To day if ye will hear his voice,

   ⁸Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness:

   ⁹When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years.

   ¹⁰Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do alway err in their heart; and they have not known my ways.



The tears I feel are evidence of God at work in my heart. In letting go of the control over when and where the tears are allowed to flow, I rest in God to do his healing work in me. I rest in God and allow him to choose the time and place my tears will soften my heart and allow me to listen to his voice.  Many places tears are mentioned in the bible. Each reference is an example of just this kind of healing.

2 Kings 20:5:

   ⁵Turn again, and tell Hezekiah the captain of my people, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee: on the third day thou shalt go up unto the house of the LORD.

Job 16:20:

   ²⁰My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God.

Psalm 39:12:

   ¹²Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.

Psalm 126:5:

   ⁵They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

John 11:35:

   ³⁵Jesus wept.

Many people of the bible knew the healing power of tears, especially Jesus. How deep his pain must have been as he waited for the father to tell him it was ok to travel back to his dear friend Lazarus. Our Jesus, who already knew the ending to this seemingly sad story, still had to endure the pain of not only his own grief, but the grief of Martha, Mary and the many other townspeople who were gathered to mourn for their friend. I think our Jesus, who also had his father’s ears, could hear the cries of pain coming from those dear souls as they waited in disbelief that he was not already there to save Lazarus. At the same instant he was dealing with his own need to rest in the patience of the father. Receiving  his orders from the father that it was time to glorify God, and seeing the multitude of people that would witness this miracle he was overwhelmed by this mixture of emotions and he wept.

Oh how this teaches us to let the tears fall. We need to let these tears cleanse our soul from the pain that threatens to harden our heart. We need to let the tears fade the pain into sweet memories of our loved ones that bring new tears of joy. I for one am blessed to know that my Mitchell is smiling down on me from his heavenly home. In only a moment, the twinkling of an eye, God will call me home someday soon. My ‘temporary’ separation from him will someday be over.

My tears are still mixtures of pain and joy. I hope I never encounter a day when I am pain free, for in my pain I grow in knowledge of the father. On second thought, maybe I will allow one day of pain free living, the day he calls me home.

Pathway to Peace ....Day 1...Calling for Help

Day One - Calling for Help

Death is an ominous entity to deal with.  Sometimes it announces itself years, weeks, or even days before it comes; giving one an opportunity to prepare. And other times your loved ones are taken in an instant, ripping your very soul from the body it inhabits. The emotional and physical pain that follows is unavoidable. It overtakes your whole being and causes an ache deep inside your soul.

I remember the first few moments after I lost my husband Mitchell.  The nurses kept asking me, is there someone we can call?”  I had already called out to God. I had lifted up my disbelief to him, in total incredulity that he would take my husband only one month after we were married.  At the same time, I was trying to comfort his sister next to me,  trying to bring my own overwhelming emotions under some kind of control.  The cry of that initial pain was so crushing to my physical and emotional being that I felt numb to such a question.  I had cried out to my God for answers, who else could possibly help me now?

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that there is someone out there that God has trained to comfort us in such a time, the blessed father…it reads, “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God”  …and even in your initial pain…he is preparing you to be such a comfort as well.

One of the hardest decisions I had to make was who to call in that moment of such deep despair.  I knew God was with me, but I craved someone next to me that was able to share fully in my pain.  Only a moment passed before I knew that it was to be my dear friend and pastor.  She came, without hesitation and offered me herself. I can’t remember her words to me that afternoon, but I remember well the hug, the sharing of tears, the ear to listen to my pitiful cries of pain.  She was there for me in any way I needed her.

I am sure as I look back on that day that God chose her for me.  He knew that he had trained her to be my shoulder. What I really needed was a hug, a person to cry with, someone to listen to me cry out my questions of disbelief, and just hold my hand through the initial pain.

God does not intend for you to grieve alone. He has prepared someone to be your shoulder. He has prepared someone else to comfort you through hardships, someone like Paul, a disciple of Christ who well understood the meaning of pain. Paul wrote about many of these hardships in order to prepare us to be such a shoulder.  A lengthy list is offered in one of his letters to a Church in Corinth.

2 Corinthians 11:21b-33

²¹I speak as concerning reproach, as though we had been weak. Howbeit whereinsoever any is bold, (I speak foolishly,) I am bold also.

   ²²Are they Hebrews? so am I. Are they Israelites? so am I. Are they the seed of Abraham? so am I.

   ²³Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft.

   ²⁴Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one.

   ²⁵Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep;

   ²⁶In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;

   ²⁷In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.

   ²⁸Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.

   ²⁹Who is weak, and I am not weak? who is offended, and I burn not?

   ³⁰If I must needs glory, I will glory of the things which concern mine infirmities.

   ³¹The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is blessed for evermore, knoweth that I lie not.

   ³²In Damascus the governor under Aretas the king kept the city of the damascenes with a garrison, desirous to apprehend me:

   ³³And through a window in a basket was I let down by the wall, and escaped his hands.

These hardships of Paul were used by God to prepare him to be a shoulder and strength to the first Christians.  He explains further in Chapter 12:9-10.

⁹And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

   ¹⁰Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Who else could minister more fully to these first Christians than one who had seen it all?  Who else could comfort the prisoner than someone who was imprisioned?

Even in your first moments of pain he is beginning to prepare you to comfort someone else. Allow him to fill you fully with his strength, so that the power of the Lord will rest upon you. Allow him to build you into his tool of comfort for someone else.

Pathway To Peace...The Forward

Pathway to Peace

 A 31 Day Devotional Book

on Dealing with Death

written by

 Barbara McWhorter

 

Soon after I lost my second husband Mitchell, I was sitting in a support group meeting searching desperately for answers.  I knew that God was with me, and I had already felt the strength of many prayers offered up in my name, but I needed something…something tangible to hold in my hand and tell me what to do next. I needed a manual to help me through the process of grieving.  I needed wisdom from the father to tell me how to navigate the difficult pathway loss takes us through… the mirad of paperwork…how to help my four new step children through the loss of their father…after they had lost their mother just seven months before.

I poured out my heart to these women…these women that only 7 months before I had poured out my despair from a horrible divorce. I spoke once again…cried new tears of confusion… why would God bless me with a wonderful gift, then take it away before we had even been married for a month.  Oh how I poured out my need to these wonderful women, and through my tears… I jokingly remarked that God should just give me a calendar. A calendar filled in with his instructions for the new life I was being forced to begin…again!  I needed God to explain to me how to let go of the most wonderful gift he had ever given me. I needed God to give me instructions for what to do in these first moments of pain.

As I opened my bible later that night, the only book I knew I might find my answers, out dropped a small book. A calendar stared me in the face. I was dumbstruck at the irony of my joke earlier. How could I not believe that God would give me exactly what I had asked him for? As I searched its pages for some tidbit of wisdom…some deep insight to my pain…there was only blank page after blank page. The stark whiteness of the color, the pureness of its unwritten pages spoke to me so deeply.  I was staring at my calendar, the one God required me to write using his divine word, my daily prayers, and the wisdom of the many people he would send to speak his word to me.

You too must write your own calendar, for each life is different, bearing different pain from the tragedies and hardships God has allowed us to face. We must first understand that God created us as individuals; unique in his love.  Our amazing God gives each of us a mind to weld our own choices. He requires us to take this ability to think for ourselves and use the tools he left us to seek out his will for our life. Our God of free will requires that we seek out our answers from his holy word and the intimacy of our direct prayers to the one who loves us the most.

This path will cause you extra pain, for not only will you grieve for your loss, but as he reveals his word to you, he will uncover sins you did not know you harbored in your life.  As I searched his word for the best way to heal my pain…and begin to seek his new purpose in my life I discovered that my pain from loss was not the only obstacle in my pathway to peace in this tragedy. Many days I had to ask for his forgiveness as I realized my lack of wisdom was because of my sin.  My sin….no my many sins…justified to myself… had blocked the answer. Genesis 35:3 says, “And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.”

I invite you make yourself an altar, and invite God to answer you as he has me.  Disappear daily as much as time will allow you to search in his word and pray.  As you search his word….and pray for his divine guidance…your distress and pain will begin to melt into sweet loving memories of the one you love, and are asked to live without.   God’s word and Holy Spirit will help the memories of the one you love to become a new source of strength as the days from their death grow more distant.  Just like Elisha, who was double blessed in the passing of his great mentor  Elijah…in 2 Kings….chapter 2 …we read these promising words in verse 9….”And it came to pass, when they were gone over, that Elijah said unto Elisha, Ask what I shall do for thee, before I be taken away from thee. And Elisha said, I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me.”

In my search for God’s will for me now, one of my tasks is to write.  He has called me to write the words of healing and wisdom… the words of reflection and searching that have helped me day by day to work through this pain.  I am convinced that God will use the pain from these storms  to bring me closer to him….to learn to rest in his loving arms and heal from the divorce he allowed to end a 30 year marriage... and the death of my second,  most precious husband of only a month.

God blessed me quite quickly with an amazing man exactly four months from the day I signed my divorce papers.  Ironically, he had lost his first wife to cancer only four months before we met.  He not only restored my faith in men, but showed me a most wonderful meaning of love. He was a pure romantic, bringing me coffee to our bed and walking me to the car every morning, kissing me goodbye at the car and conversing 2-3 times a day with cheesy e-mails as we worked in separate towns.  We were married only a short month before God called him home to heaven. I may never have the answer to the ‘why’ of our short time together…but  this calendar is helping me work through the steps of grief…to come somehow to accept the death of my new husband and move forward into God’s will for the future.

I don’t have all the answers to why God is using such hardships to build my faith, but I believe I must share the knowledge he gives me from my studies and prayers with others. It is my prayer that the thirty-one topics of this calendar will help to guide you in your own search for answers to the pain you are dealing with.  As I studied and listened for the words, scriptures and examples I should use in writing this book, I felt an uplifting of my spirit that carried me into a peaceful understanding of my pain. It has allowed me to move forward, and build a stronger relationship with the father.

I still have dark days that I find myself unable to bear Mitchell’s absence, but I need only to pray and open my bible for words that bring me quickly back into a sense of joy, faith and praise that can only be a new gift of God. How wonderful to know that God never allows us to feel the pain of loss without holding our hand. Another wonderful author, the amazing king who penned the Psalms in his own distress, wrote, “Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great,” in Psalm 18:35.

Slowly, with the help of his word, and a daily prayer life, I am learning to accept this pain as a way to a closer walk with the father. He is building me into a new creation, dependent solely on his wisdom, his mercy and his grace.  I cling daily to the words of one other author, who himself knew much pain.  He wrote, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new,” in 2 Corinthians 5:17.