Epilogue...Only The Beginning...Again!

Epilogue

 

What a journey…to be finished with my first writing task….to come to the point where I thank God for the amazing calendar I asked for almost a year ago.  The irony of the moment is ….the calendar is really not finished.  I must continue to listen to the words he will feed me…continue to study and search his word for the directions to my day by day walk with him.  I must hope that I have a future…..as Jeremiah said in Jeremiah 29:11, “¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. And then will I be blessed…for he also wrote in Jeremiah 17:7, “ Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.”

Even as I reread these pages to edit and revise, I am reminded that I still have not grasped all the wisdom God gave me to write.  I still struggle with many of the concepts God gave me in these pages…and I will need to continue to reread the scriptures and words until they become a part of my heart.  As I teach my students in the classroom…many repetitions are needed to sometimes understand a concept…to grasp it so you can teach to someone else.

It is also time for me to give credit to the people who helped inspire me to this task.  God is my editor…my best friend…my new husband…he deserves any glory that might come from these pages.  My friends, my family, my wonderful church…the Sunday School teacher…the many people who read bits and pieces of this work and gave me advice.  They deserve my gratitude and maybe even a homecooked  Sunday dinner.  And I thank my sweet Mitchell…who stares at me with that sweet smile of his from the frame above the desk where I write.  I can hear him telling me, “you should really write some day…you have a way with words.”   He always told me it would be ‘our’ ticket to early retirement.

My thanks also the wonderful technology God gave us to do research.  I turned to the internet and bible.com many days as I searched for deeper meaning to the words he would place on my heart. The topical research I was able to do on these sites made it possible for God to quickly give me the scriptures that would support the words he gave.  And I can’t imagine writing without a computer keyboard …horrible visions of quill pens…tons of wasted paprus…what nightmares!  I can’t imagine being able to write with an old fashioned pencil and piece of paper…although I do use this method to journal each night during my study and prayer time.

My greatest thanks goes to the Lord of my life…my new husband…who gives me words even through my tears. Some of the tears are still the pain from the loss of my Mitchell, but the most of them…they are tears of great joy as I realize he can carry me through anything.   Almost a year has past…I have grown so much closer to the Lord than I ever imagined I could.  God has become so big that I am slowly realizing he can not be contained.

 

As I search for just the right words to close with…I am reminded of a sweet couple from my church...a sweet couple struggling with their own pain…the loss of their son.  This father stood at our pulpit one Sunday morning not to long ago.  Like me, he and his sweet wife are recovering from grief.  Eight months ago, the cancer their son was asked to bear… gave him his early ticket to heaven. His death placed them in this role of grief…this role we are not familiar with or want for many reasons to invade our happy lives.  He and his wife wanted to thank our church for the prayers and support that have helped them get through this trying time. And so … through his tears…and the rest of the church’s tears…..we were all babbling…sharing in his pain…he shared this passage from Isaiah 57.

¹The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come.

²He shall enter into peace: they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness.

As soon as I heard these sweet words from God’s Holy word…I knew they were to be my new comfort. Those of us that have lost loved ones…really did not lose them…if they knew God.  If they knew God…they are in the glorious presence of the father…praising him for saving their souls.  Some of us too may be taken early someday…and those of us that are left will be raised with them when Christ returns for us all.  And those of us that are left…we still have work to do…so that more of our friends and family may be counted in the number of those who are resurrected to the father.

I urge you to start your own calendar.  He is waiting to give you the words that will help you heal the gaping wound your loss has created.  Open your heart to him and ask him to help you…to show you the pathway to peace in this storm he has asked you to ride through.  As Paul…one who rode many storms out with the help of his father…wrote in Romans 15:13, “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

Day 31.....One Day At A Time

Day 31         One Day at a Time

 

As I near the completion of this ‘Calendar’…this work of study that has helped me see how important is it to put the past in the past, I can hear the words of my mother-in-law.  Finding that she had lost yet another friend to cancer, we tracked to the funeral home to the “viewing.”  We were just sitting in the funeral home when a friend came up and asked her how she was doing.  She replied very quickly, “I take it one day at a time my friend.”

We can plan for the future….but the reality is that God is in control.  We may make some pretty great plans…and find ourselves still looking at a pretty tough ‘present.’  Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not arrived…we need to enjoy the blessings of today!  God wants us to commit to making the best of the day he made for us…today! What David wrote in Psalms 118:24, “This is the day that the Lord has made…..I will rejoice and be glad in it”….these are the words we must cling to if we are to find joy. It is in the present that God gives us small tasks to do…small lessons that teach us one day at a time that our lives can still be useful…that we can move past the loss.

God helped Matthew pen some pretty powerful words in his great book, they speak very clearly just how important it is to live in the present.  He tells us in Matthew 6:31-34

³¹Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

³²(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

³³But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

³⁴Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

 

The Israelites found themselves once in a desert… no food…so they called out for God to save them.   God answered their prayer by giving them manna….manna that was given one day at a time…too little and the Isrealites would starve…too much and the extra would rot.

 

 

 

 Moses gave them the exact words of God in Exodus 16:15-19:

When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, “ What is it?” for they did not know what it was.  Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat.  This is what the Lord has commanded:  ‘Each one is to gather as much as he needs.  Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’”  The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little.  And when they measured it by the omer, he who had gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.  Each one gathered as much as he needed.  Then Moses said to them, “ No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

 

We must collect our own manna…one day at a time…and trust that God has a plan.  He calls us to trust him…like the Israelites…we who have lost loved ones find ourselves in a vast desert. And  like the Israelites…God is feeding us one day at a time.  We must pray…and study his word…and give of ourselves…and testify to the wonderful blessing s he has given us in spite of the pain.  What new blessings must be in store for us if we collect the right amount of manna each day…the amount that will lead us to new joy.  For the Lord knows his plans for us…to prose us…and not harm us….plans for a great future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 30.....Live

Day 30     Live

 

Time has helped to ease some of the pain by now, but….you will have days….days that no matter what you do…a gray cloud of loneliness and depression will hurl you into a pity party.  The mere memory of your storm will renew the fear that started the day you were forced into the storm of your life.  You have mastered the art of laughter, believed with all your heart that God has your back, allowed the fellowship of your wonderful friends to seep into your soul and slowly amaze you with the strength you have built. You will feel in your heart that you are strong…able to venture out on your own…able to handle the world and anything it can throw at you.  Beware…the pity party lurks just around the corner…ready to pounce on your newfound spirit.

I found myself in one recently…even after I had written a devotional  about balance. Truth is that the Devil will stop at nothing to take your joy…he will  attack you in the simplest of forms…slither in from his hiding place at just the right time…when he knows you are the weakest.

The day was nothing special. The long trip out of town to transfer a 401K into an IRA wasn’t too bad.  The quick stop over at the Christian book store was even a bit uplifting. After all, I did find a great frame on sale with one of my favorite verses. You would think that Jeremiah 29:11 would stave off any bout of sadness, but somewhere between the quick lunch with my son and the failed attempt to shop, the pity party started. I think it was the third pair of pants that didn’t fit, or maybe it was the $75.00 price tag on a really cute shirt that did fit…( no way was I spending that much money on anything)… or could it have been the fact that once again I was trying to fill my loneliness with a meaningless task?  God tried to warn me…the frame clearly said, “ I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper not to harm….”

God plans for us to live….live productive lives that have purpose and meaning.  Ruth found purpose in working, in gleaning the leftover grains for her mother-in-law.  Boaz even directed his servants to make sure she found enough to sustain Naomi  in her need.

Ruth 2:16:

¹⁶And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.

Jesus saw the purpose in the costly perfume poured out on his feet by Mary.  He saw the humility of her heart as she sacrificed the most expensive thing she owned to show her savior how much she loved him.

Matthew 26

¹And it came to pass, when Jesus had finished all these sayings, he said unto his disciples,

²Ye know that after two days is the feast of the passover, and the Son of man is betrayed to be crucified.

³Then assembled together the chief priests, and the scribes, and the elders of the people, unto the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas,

⁴And consulted that they might take Jesus by subtilty, and kill him.

⁵But they said, Not on the feast day, lest there be an uproar among the people.

⁶Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,

⁷There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.

⁸But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste?

⁹For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.

¹⁰When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.

¹¹For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.

¹²For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial.

I too must live…I must find purpose to move forward.  And as I search…I will need to fight off that pity party when it comes.  God gave the frame…the frame…the one that has the verse I need to remember...the one from Jeremiah that tells me God does have a purpose for me…and will show me his plans for me…in his time.  That frame is still in the car…I guess I need to get it out and put a picture in it…..set it somewhere where I will see it every day.   Maybe I will leave it empty…as a reminder that God has not forgotten me.  Maybe I need to leave it in the car…on my front seat…as a reminder that God is always with me…and all I have to do is follow him. No, I think I will place a large question mark on the back of the picture in it…and pray that God never let me forget to live each day…one at a time...each day providing a bit of the new purpose he has for my life without Mitchell.

Day 28...Give

Day 28         Give

 

I am recovering this morning from the soreness of teaching some really animated music selections to some even more energetic youngsters at bible school this week.  The songs came complete with motions and dance steps…reminding me of just how old this body has gotten….another miracle of God that I can do all things through him who strengthens me!  And as I reflect on this week of giving to my church the time to work with these youngsters…I see so clearly that  nothing helps me to work through the loss better than this act of giving.  Giving helps me to focus on other people and yield to God in a way that blesses my soul…giving helps me yield my loss to God. 

We are called to give thanks, to give honor and praise to God, and we are also called to give of ourselves…like the great church of Macedonia.  An impoverished church who managed to give even what little God blessed them with.

 

2 Corinthians 8

¹Moreover, brethren, we do you to wit of the grace of God bestowed on the churches of Macedonia;

²How that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of their liberality.

³For to their power, I bear record, yea, and beyond their power they were willing of themselves;

⁴Praying us with much intreaty that we would receive the gift, and take upon us the fellowship of the ministering to the saints.

⁵And this they did, not as we hoped, but first gave their own selves to the Lord, and unto us by the will of God.

⁶Insomuch that we desired Titus, that as he had begun, so he would also finish in you the same grace also.

⁷Therefore, as ye abound in every thing, in faith, and utterance, and knowledge, and in all diligence, and in your love to us, see that ye abound in this grace also.

⁸I speak not by commandment, but by occasion of the forwardness of others, and to prove the sincerity of your love.

⁹For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.

¹⁰And herein I give my advice: for this is expedient for you, who have begun before, not only to do, but also to be forward a year ago.

¹¹Now therefore perform the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to will, so there may be a performance also out of that which ye have.

¹²For if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not.

¹³For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened:

¹⁴But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that there may be equality:

¹⁵As it is written, He that had gathered much had nothing over; and he that had gathered little had no lack.

Wow…what a message is hidden in this passage…even when we ‘think’ we have nothing….we still have our time….our love…our ability to do things for others.  God gave us an amazing capacity to love others.  Giving proves to our soul that we still have something to give…even when we think we have lost one of the most important things in our lives.  This pain…this sacrifice we have been forced to make…will never match the sacrifice God made for us when he gave his son to die or our sins.

When we give…we reap joy! When we give…God will pour out his blessings on our efforts to rebuild the missing pieces of the life we knew with our beloved.  Even Job in all his sorrow…understood…. He craved for the time when God would bless his life through giving.

Job 29

¹Moreover Job continued his parable, and said,

²Oh that I were as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me;

³When his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked through darkness;

⁴As I was in the days of my youth, when the secret of God was upon my tabernacle;

⁵When the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were about me;

⁶When I washed my steps with butter, and the rock poured me out rivers of oil;

⁷When I went out to the gate through the city, when I prepared my seat in the street!

⁸The young men saw me, and hid themselves: and the aged arose, and stood up.

⁹The princes refrained talking, and laid their hand on their mouth.

¹⁰The nobles held their peace, and their tongue cleaved to the roof of their mouth.

¹¹When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave witness to me:

¹²Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him.

¹³The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.

¹⁴I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.

¹⁵I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame.

¹⁶I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out.

¹⁷And I brake the jaws of the wicked, and plucked the spoil out of his teeth.

¹⁸Then I said, I shall die in my nest, and I shall multiply my days as the sand.

¹⁹My root was spread out by the waters, and the dew lay all night upon my branch.

²⁰My glory was fresh in me, and my bow was renewed in my hand.

²¹Unto me men gave ear, and waited, and kept silence at my counsel.

²²After my words they spake not again; and my speech dropped upon them.

²³And they waited for me as for the rain; and they opened their mouth wide as for the latter rain.

²⁴If I laughed on them, they believed it not; and the light of my countenance they cast not down.

²⁵I chose out their way, and sat chief, and dwelt as a king in the army, as one that comforteth the mourners.

As the great writer of Acts recorded for us these simple words in Acts 20:35, “³I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. We should all do well to give more…to pour ourselves into service for the Lord brings about blessings untold. 

I will work willingly…even joyfully as I sing with those kids tonight.  The pain and loneliness will be replaced with new blessings and laughter from the mouths of children…as they celebrate and sing to the Lord.  I will sing a new song to the lord and thank him for the ability to still love…in spite of my loss.