Day 23 Testify

Day        23   Testify

 

One day, as I began to grow in strength and receive God’s power to move forward in my life, God gave me a desire to share what he had done for me. The thankfulness for his many blessings and the greatfulness that he had never left my side overflowed from my very soul as he gives me opportunities to tell about the amazing God who has carried me through this horrible storm. This desire to share even strengthened me as nothing had before.

Sharing my testimony strengthened my faith in amazing ways. It has helped me affirm the faith he used to carry me, it has deepened my understanding of worship, and it has even given me new courage to speak in large crowds.  It must have been this feeling that David spoke of in Psalms 19: 1-2, as his praise to the Lord overflowed from his very soul.  His heartfelt cry of praise to the Lord should be a model for all of us who have the chance to speak to anyone of God’s mercy and love.

1God's voice is always speaking. His witnesses give testimony to his glory, majesty and creative grace.

2The universe shouts with joy because behind it's intricate beauty and power is the One who gave it life, purpose, and intention.

My faith is evolving daily. As I study his word…especially when I am asked to share…scriptures are revealed to me that help me loosen the grip my grief has to sadden me. Eventually I want to be like the centurion who requested a healing for his servant in Matthew 8:1-10, or the woman who suffered a blood issue in Mark 5:25-34. These two people…just a small fraction of the whole…who had faith that God could do anything they believed provide inspiration to me as I read.

Matthew 8

   ¹When he was come down from the mountain, great multitudes followed him.

   ²And, behold, there came a leper and worshipped him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean.

   ³And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

   ⁴And Jesus saith unto him, See thou tell no man; but go thy way, shew thyself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses commanded, for a testimony unto them.

   ⁵And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him,

   ⁶And saying, Lord, my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented.

   ⁷And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him.

   ⁸The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.

   ⁹For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me: and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.

   ¹⁰When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.

 

Mark 5

²⁵And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,

   ²⁶And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,

   ²⁷When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.

   ²⁸For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.

   ²⁹And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

   ³⁰And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?

   ³¹And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

   ³²And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.

   ³³But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.

   ³⁴And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.

Testifying gives you a reason to worship. In praising God for the blessings he has given, and the trials he has brought you through, your very understanding of worship is transformed from a passive quiet thankfulness…to a bold dynamic demonstration of his goodness.  Like the people in 2 Chronicles 29:28… all the congregation worshipped, and the singers sang, and the trumpeters sounded: and all this continued until the burnt offering was finished…I can lift my voice in song, and shout to everyone the great things he has done for me.

 

As my faith in God matures, he is even teaching this old dog new skills. He is taking my talents of teaching children and cultivating it into an ability to speak with adults. He is showing me how to transform the thoughts from his scriptures into insights on a piece of paper. He is refining my understanding of how many ways he can use me to do his work.

Day 22........Chasing Rabbits

Day 22         Chasing Rabbits

 

Sometimes the loneliness I felt was so overwhelming. I have so much to be thankful for, how could I possibly want for anything?  God blesses me every day with so much…more than I ever asked him for.  Yet my heart ached for a new purpose….a reason to move forward….something to make the pain I was feeling meaningful. I wanted a new purpose so badly that I began to manipulate the things I saw each day as a sign from God...that he might be revealing my new purpose.

I felt the call to missions one Sunday and declared my life to his service recently. I listened to a missionary talk about Africa, saw the globe in my classroom turned to that very country, found an African ABC quilt my kindergarten students had made ten years earlier, and thought about the money I send to an orphanage in Uganda each month….he must be sending me to Africa to work there soon.

A scripture I read one night said I might need to move back to my hometown, he must want me to work in the orphanage there. Another scripture at church the next day told me to be still and wait on the Lord, so I thought I was needed to serve in the church some new way.   I passed a house on my way to work one day and felt an uncanny sense to stop and pray on the porch…I even wrote a letter to the owners telling them of my prayers for their house…did this mean I was to start some kind of ministry there?

I went to a baby shower and saw a house for sale…so I asked God if that house could be used to house foster children.  I read in my bible the story of Ruth and Naomi…he must want me to stay longer with my mother-in-law. Then as quickly as I had decided this must be the real call… my readings would be about the Israelite’s 40 year wanderings being over…the uncanny feeling returned and I quickly did the math.  As I write this page…I figure something is going to happen in 4 weeks to move me to another location. My friend…the very one who comforted me on that first night…says I need to stop chasing rabbits.

Job felt this kind of confusion, so weary from the many storms God allowed him to face, he calls out to God to show him the reason for his pain. In the tenth chapter he cries out his many frustrations to the lord.

 

Job 10

   ¹My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.

   ²I will say unto God, Do not condemn me; shew me wherefore thou contendest with me.

   ³Is it good unto thee that thou shouldest oppress, that thou shouldest despise the work of thine hands, and shine upon the counsel of the wicked?

   ⁴Hast thou eyes of flesh? or seest thou as man seeth?

   ⁵Are thy days as the days of man? are thy years as man's days,

   ⁶That thou enquirest after mine iniquity, and searchest after my sin?

   ⁷Thou knowest that I am not wicked; and there is none that can deliver out of thine hand.

   ⁸Thine hands have made me and fashioned me together round about; yet thou dost destroy me.

   ⁹Remember, I beseech thee, that thou hast made me as the clay; and wilt thou bring me into dust again?

   ¹⁰Hast thou not poured me out as milk, and curdled me like cheese?

   ¹¹Thou hast clothed me with skin and flesh, and hast fenced me with bones and sinews.

   ¹²Thou hast granted me life and favour, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit.

   ¹³And these things hast thou hid in thine heart: I know that this is with thee.

   ¹⁴If I sin, then thou markest me, and thou wilt not acquit me from mine iniquity.

   ¹⁵If I be wicked, woe unto me; and if I be righteous, yet will I not lift up my head. I am full of confusion; therefore see thou mine affliction;

   ¹⁶For it increaseth. Thou huntest me as a fierce lion: and again thou shewest thyself marvellous upon me.

   ¹⁷Thou renewest thy witnesses against me, and increasest thine indignation upon me; changes and war are against me.

   ¹⁸Wherefore then hast thou brought me forth out of the womb? Oh that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me!

   ¹⁹I should have been as though I had not been; I should have been carried from the womb to the grave.

   ²⁰Are not my days few? cease then, and let me alone, that I may take comfort a little,

   ²¹Before I go whence I shall not return, even to the land of darkness and the shadow of death;

   ²²A land of darkness, as darkness itself; and of the shadow of death, without any order, and where the light is as darkness.

 

It is just in the next chapter that we find the very wise words of his friend Zophar, who counsels Job much like my friend did me. He says boldly for us to keep our words few, and wait for the Lord to speak his own wisdom.

 

⁶And that he would shew thee the secrets of wisdom, that they are double to that which is! Know therefore that God exacteth of thee less than thine iniquity deserveth.

   ⁷Canst thou by searching find out God? canst thou find out the Almighty unto perfection?

 

It is so hard for me not to keep searching…I want answers so badly…just like Job I need to know the reason for my pain...to help me move forward…to help me understand why I was chosen to bear it. I call out every night in my impatience …oh Lord show me your path….show me where I am to go…give me a new mission! Oh that I could have the heart of Job…just a few verses later in chapter 12 he speaks these beautiful words to his friend.

 

⁹Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the LORD hath wrought this?

   ¹⁰In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.

   ¹¹Doth not the ear try words? and the mouth taste his meat?

   ¹²With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.

   ¹³With him is wisdom and strength, he hath counsel and understanding.

   ¹⁴Behold, he breaketh down, and it cannot be built again: he shutteth up a man, and there can be no opening.

   ¹⁵Behold, he withholdeth the waters, and they dry up: also he sendeth them out, and they overturn the earth.

   ¹⁶With him is strength and wisdom: the deceived and the deceiver are his.

   ¹⁷He leadeth counsellors away spoiled, and maketh the judges fools.

   ¹⁸He looseth the bond of kings, and girdeth their loins with a girdle.

   ¹⁹He leadeth princes away spoiled, and overthroweth the mighty.

   ²⁰He removeth away the speech of the trusty, and taketh away the understanding of the aged.

   ²¹He poureth contempt upon princes, and weakeneth the strength of the mighty.

   ²²He discovereth deep things out of darkness, and bringeth out to light the shadow of death.

I am coming to understand that instead of thinking that everything I read or see or feel is my next task...that God is opening my eyes to a world full of limitless possibilities. In my quest to serve him and study his word, he is revealing to me so many possibilities that I never imagined myself a part of. Oh how we limit ourselves…limit what we think we can do based on our circumstances…or our known talents…or our physical strength.  He wants me to know everything and discount nothing. I read his word now with anticipation…with an eagerness to do anything he asks of me.

 

One day…one wonderful day he will reveal to me my next calling.  In the meantime, I will think of these many possibilities he gives me each day as tests, for another dear friend told me last night that she had passed a similar check of her faith. She had been asked to speak at a conference….a conference that ended up having two speakers…so she was allowed to bow out her commitment with the greatfulness that she had just said yes. She shared how she was so glad she had passed the test…the test of saying yes to whatever God asks us to do.

Maybe that was what Paul meant in Hebrews when he penned the words in Hebrews 12:1, “and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,” or in I Corinthians 9 where he explains this concept a little deeper.

 

  ¹⁷For if I do this thing willingly, I have a reward: but if against my will, a dispensation of the gospel is committed unto me.

   ¹⁸What is my reward then? Verily that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge, that I abuse not my power in the gospel.

   ¹⁹For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

   ²⁰And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law;

   ²¹To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.

   ²²To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

   ²³And this I do for the gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you

I see my new list of possibilities in a new light…not as a confusion…but as Christmas tree overflowing with huge presents. I can’t wait to see which one is mine…I will open it with the excitement of a young child. I will tear off its wrapping paper and carefully look inside. Whatever his present is, I am assured of this…that it will be the most wonderful present he has ever given me. I will love it…even more than I did my Mitchell. God is like that.  He takes away a great gift and replaces it with something even better. And even though I have trouble imagining with my human brain anything more wonderful than Mitchell, I know in my heart it will be, God promised it.

 

Day 21 Excuses

Day 21         Excuses

 

The days sometimes would pass oh so slowly, even though I would busy myself with the mundane tasks of laundry, cooking, and earning a paycheck. Even though I would pour myself into church work, I would find myself still struggling to move forward. The work I did allowed me to pay the rent and buy groceries.  I was able to keep a clean house. I was  even able to smile at the neighbors and look fairly happy at church. I tried so hard to return to my former life… I tried to fill the emptiness with something.

The early days were spent serving in the church…helping in after school activities…going to ballgames…and writing. Why would any of these tasks be a problem you ask…they wouldn’t…if that is what God has placed in my hand to do. But if you are just doing these things to fill time…to run away from healing…then they are very wrong.  Like Moses, you might even try to start over in a new town, with a new family.  You will be very comfortable in this new world you have built for yourself…pleased that you had the power to survive.  People will even pat you on the back and tell you how touched they are that you are so strong.

Then one day you will be traveling with your flock of sheep toward a curious sight, a bush that seems to be burning.  God will speak to you from the bush…and tell you exactly what to do…. and you will make excuses.  Moses tells the wonderful story about his calling to bring the Israelites out of Eygpt.  In Exodus 3 we hear the voice of God himself call Moses to a new task.

Exodus 3:6-10

   ⁶Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God.

   ⁷And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;

   ⁸And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites.

   ⁹Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.

   ¹⁰Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.

Moses and all his excuses….he just kept asking God questions…. very well thought out questions by the way….that explained why he shouldn’t be chosen for such an important job.  God just keeps patiently answering his questions with simple statements that negate his points. But the last time he gives an excuse…in the form of a question…God asks him a question. He asks Moses what he held in his hand.

Exodus 4:2 

And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.

 

Moses had just a simple rod, some versions of the bible call it a staff. Shepherds like Moses, used their staff to rescue sheep or walk in very unstable terrain. Moses had learned to use it well in the rough terrain of his father-in-law Jethro.  He had become a great shepherd and built the flocks of his new family.  He had hid his sin and pain for his people as he learned to care for the sheep of his new family.  How fitting that God chose to use this same instrument of rescue and strength to give Moses his final directions. This simple staff becomes a tool of rescue and strength for the next 40 years! Moses, who had run away and established himself as a great shepherd with a new family was called by God to go back to where he began and lead his people out of bondage.

I too, have built a new life with a new family. At this point…I am still waiting for God to rescue me. No burning bush has been placed in my path, no voices have spoken to me the directions for my next few days.  I must continue to search in his word, pray daily for guidance, and listen carefully to the friends he places in my pathway to help me each day.

I wonder what my staff will be. I hope I am focused and can see the burning bush when I pass by. He will tell me to take off my shoes…and listen to his directions for my life. And when I give my excuses to God…because I know I won’t feel worthy or prepared…I want him to chide me gently as he did Moses….and patiently give me the simple directions to exactly how he will want it to take place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pathway To Peace...Day Twenty...Rest

Day Twenty          Rest

 

I can't remember the last day I slept in this late. I even woke without an alarm clock. This morning…the first of an extended holiday…a whole week from my teaching duties…found me lounging uncharacteristically in my bed for way too long.

The normal routines of work and the ministries that God called me to do at my church keep me very busy…and I thrive on these filled days.  Let’s be honest, if I did not stay very busy, I would be sitting around feeling sorry for myself…filling the hours wondering just what my life would be like if Mitchell were still here. But the reality is that sometimes I run my motor way too long and for too many hours at a time till eventually I am just so tired.

God had to have felt this way after he created the beautiful world we live in. He used six days to put together the most amazing collection of animals, plants, rocks, dirt, mountains, valleys, lakes and seas. Then in the next moment he decided to bless the next day, the seventh day, and rest. Was it the tiredness he felt that brought about the blessing of the seventh day, or was it the sheer splendor, the realization of the majesty of his creation.

Genesis 2:3 - And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

This concept of rest is so important that God included it later in the ten commandments.  This commandment was so important you could be put to death for working on the seventh day. 

 

 Exodus 23:12:

   ¹²Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.

Exodus 35:2:

   ²Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.

And Jesus also taught this important concept to his disciples.  He spoke of the need to rest often after he had spoken to a great crowd.

Mark 6:31:

³¹And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat.

 

Matthew 11:28:

²⁸Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 

I wonder just how late God slept after he created this exquisite planet we call earth. AND I just needed to thank him for an extended period, my spring break, to rest and enjoy his world. Thanks God for once again knowing just what I need and just when to give it to me.

 

Pathway To Peace...Day Nineteen...Demons

Day Nineteen            Demons

 

As my Sunday school teacher asked us a question Sunday, I realized quickly that God had given me my next word. She asked us if we believed in demons.  My immediate thought was yes!  The bible is full of stories that tell how Jesus and the disciples cast them out. The King James version of the bible calls them evil spirits, but several newer translations of the bible, including my New International Version, calls them demons.

Matthew alone includes four chapters of stories dedicated to the demons cast out by Jesus. As he traveled to preach, healing the sick, raising the dead, and forgiving the sins of his followers, Jesus cast out many evil spirits that possessed these people.  And one chapter even records the account of Jesus’s words that some believed John the Baptist was possessed by a demon. Of course he was just overcome by the spirit of God to foretell the coming of Jesus.

Matthew 9:32-33

    ³² And as they went forth, behold, there was brought to him a dumb man possessed with a demon.

   ³³ And when the demon was cast out, the dumb man spake: and the multitudes marvelled, saying, It was never so seen in Israel.

Matthew 12:22

   ²² Then was brought unto him one possessed with a demon, blind and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch that the dumb man spake and saw.

Matthew 15:22-28

²² And behold, a Canaanitish woman came out from those borders, and cried, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a demon.

   ²³ But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.

   ²⁴ But he answered and said, I was not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

   ²⁵ But she came and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.

   ²⁶ And he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs.

   ²⁷ But she said, Yea, Lord: for even the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.

   ²⁸ Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it done unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was healed from that hour.

Matthew 17:15-21

  ¹⁵ Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is epileptic, and suffereth grievously; for oft-times he falleth into the fire, and off-times into the water.

   ¹⁶ And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.

   ¹⁷ And Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I bear with you? bring him hither to me.

   ¹⁸ And Jesus rebuked him; and the demon went out of him: and the boy was cured from that hour.

   ¹⁹ Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast it out?

   ²⁰ And he saith unto them, Because of your little faith: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

   ²¹ But this kind goeth not out save by prayer and fasting.

Matthew 11:18

¹⁸ For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, He hath a demon.

 

Then, as I really began to ponder this question, I began to think about how easy it is for Satan to overcome our spirit with these demons, and the damage these demons can do to our souls. The demons overtake us physically, mentally and spiritually.  They trap us in a vicious cycle, and trick us into believing that we have no power over them.  These demons can be embodied in many forms. Merriam-Webster defines the word demon as an evil spirit; any source or agent of evil, harm, distress, or ruin…well that just about includes everything!  Just how many years had some of these people been controlled by the demon Christ cast out? How distressed and overwhelmed had they become to search out the healing powers of Jesus? How many times I have allowed a demon to control me?  And… just how much have I damaged my soul from allowing myself to fall into Satan’s traps.

I listened to an amazing testimony tonight at my Celebrate Recovery meeting. A lady gave a most amazing account of how she had been trapped in a cycle of demons. She like thousands of others find themselves locked into a horrid life of pain, guilt, bitterness, and loneliness from such demons as child abuse, sexual assault, spousal battery, and rape.  The demons convinced her that she was worthless. The demons forced her to search for worth in earthy things that for years gave her no relief. But one glorious day she called on Jesus, and he cast from her all traces of her demon, so that she can testify to how God can change our lives if we turn our most horrid demons over to him.

The only one who can break the power of these demons is Jesus. We must recognize our need to rid ourselves of them and call on Christ to cast them out. Mark shares the story of  a man who had been controlled by demons. He had lived in the tombs and caves around the country of the Gadarenes.

Mark 5

   ¹And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes.

   ²And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,

   ³Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:

   ⁴Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.

   ⁵And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.

   ⁶But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,

   ⁷And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.

   ⁸For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.

   ⁹And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.

   ¹⁰And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country.

   ¹¹Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.

   ¹²And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.

   ¹³And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.

   ¹⁴And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.

   ¹⁵And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.

   ¹⁶And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine.

   ¹⁷And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts.

   ¹⁸And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him.

   ¹⁹Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.

 

Just like the woman at my meeting, the man rushed to meet Jesus. The demons were cast out and the man was asked to stay and share with all in the area the good things God had done for him. Yes it is that easy….recognize that you are being controlled by some earthly ‘demon’….call on Jesus to rid you of its power over you…and then, I love this part, testify to everyone God puts in your pathway what God did for you! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pathway To Peace....Day Eighteen...Droughts

 Day Eighteen      Droughts

Even after a wonderful service at church where I clearly felt the spirit move me to new heights in my singing, I found myself fighting another low point today.  I woke to write at four this morning, the words about sweet memories flowing slowly onto the page.  The scriptures were abundant to pick from, but as I wrote, no ….. as I left the church building last evening, no…..it was as I took my seat back in the pew Sunday night, a gloominess settled over my joy.  And so the page was left unfinished ….

Sitting at my desk later today, the gloomy mood preventing me from accomplishing anything productive today, I opened my mid-morning devotional early to read this verse.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought.

Like a breath of fresh air coming through a door opened just after a spring rain, the spirit spoke to me through this verse. I was beginning to experience a drought. Satan was attempting to separate me from my joy by tricking me into a period of depression. If he had succeeded in this attempt,  I  would risk losing more than my joy.  Satan loves it when he can attack us this way and we must recognize these attempts to take our joy and see them as very serious.

Very dangerous a drought- A long period of abnormally low rainfall, especially one that adversely affects growing or living conditions- it can damage your spirit if left unchecked too long.  It can weaken your faith.

Since I can’t ever allow Satan to weaken my faith again, I started searching immediately for a scripture to give me strength to fight this gloomy mood. I found my answer in the prophet Isaiah. Isaiah gives us the cure in this wonderful verse. 

Isaiah 58:11:

   ¹¹And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

Oh how I want to be guided continually, satisfied, ….ok so fat is not the word I would choose....but I do want to have enough extra nutrition that I don’t suffer when Satan attacks. I want to be so strong that I go into survival mode every time I sense that Satan is near. For you see, it is important to note that droughts are not caused by God,   God allows Satan to throw these kinks in our path and then God uses them to test our faith and  build it stronger, much stronger than it was before. A wonderful illustration of what I mean is found in 1Kings 17, where God uses the prophet Elijah to speak some pretty harsh words to his people.

They did not listen to him, so he struggled with just how to help them understand that God was pretty fed up with them.  Imagine this prophet who was struggling with people who would not listen. Oh how he must have prayed each night for a new way to deliver this important message. God, knowing ahead of time they would never listen, loved him so very much that he gave him some time off. He would send a strong message to his people to shape up or else, and let Elijah rest by a river to wait out the terrible drought he was sending. He fed him and took care of his every need. He sent the Ravens to minister to him. What faith it must have took for Elijah to hold on to his sanity.

Even as the river dried up, God sent him to a widow…yeah I said widow….how ironic for me that he sent Elijah to a widow!  This widow was very poor and had a son to care for. She wasn’t completely sure that feeding this prophet was a good thing either.  She only had a small amount of flour and oil and was pretty sure her family was going to die.  But then the miracles begin to happen. I love how God shows out, even when we give up! 

Because she follows Elijah’s directions from God, her flour never runs out and her oil just keeps flowing. As if both of them have not been tested enough, God knows just what we can take, her son gets very sick and dies. She even blames his death on Elijah. But then God just keeps showing off! This powerful prophet DOES NOT GIVE UP! He continues to follow Gods direction and  uses the power of God to bring him back to life. How amazing! And what a great model of how to not give up on God’s plan for us. Just when we think that our world has been rocked completely out of socket, God shows up and restores order in a most amazing way.

I think if you look back on the plot of your own disasters, you will find a similar theme. We suffer, God teaches us a hard lesson, I can see the thread of disaster after disaster in my own life teaching me some really hard lessons. My tragic divorce and the death of Mitchell, they have taught me how much I must depend on God for my needs. How much more precious the gift he gave me in Mitchell when I look at it that way!

Pathway To Peace...Day Seventeen...Sweet Memories

Day Seventeen          Sweet Memories

In the short time of my marriage, I was blessed with many sweet memories of Mitchell. Our first date…I met him at his house to go to a church to hear his son’s band play…we were so timid as we sat next to each other. I remember feeling like a teenager on my first date, not sure what to say. Then there were the phone calls…we spent hours sharing our views on scripture…he shared how he learned most of his bible knowledge from his grandmother. She must have been a great disciple of God because he always enriched my understanding of a scripture with his own interpretations. We both loved coffee…but I had to learn to make it in a sauce pan with no filter….he liked his strong and black. When we would come home at night we always enjoyed looking up at the sky and sharing a kiss under the stars and moon…the moon would settle just above some of the trees just outside his house. And most precious now are the memories of how he woke with me every morning and just talked while I got ready for school…then we would exchange a cheesy e-mail after we both got to work. I so loved this wonderful way to start my day.  Maybe it is the passing of what would have been our 2^nd anniversary, but I have found myself lost in these awesome memories more often the past few days. They bring small tears of joy to my soul that trickle out through my eyes…and a peace that is most precious in my heart… to realize how blessed I was to build so many memories in such a short time.
God gave me these memories to sustain me in the days he knew I would be without him. They are not meant to hold you back and make you sad. They are given to you to give you strength and courage to face the lonely days ahead. David knew this well. Trapped and hiding in caves from his enemy Saul, his great memories of how God had blessed him gave him strength to wait however long it took.

Psalm 42:4:

   ⁴When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.

Psalm 77:11:

   ¹¹I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

Psalm 111:4

   ⁴He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion.

Then there was Jonah, running from God’s orders to preach in Nenevah, he found himself trapped in the belly of a great whale. I can’t imagine what went on in his mind as he rode around with that whale for three days! But it was when he remembered God, and called out to him that he was released to fulfill the task he was given to do. 

Jonah 2:7:

   ⁷When my soul fainted within me I remembered the LORD: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple.

And I also think of the disciples, many days and months after they watched the best friend they ever had ascend into heaven before their very eyes. How the memories of Christ…the scripture he had taught them…the way he taught them to pray…the healings he had performed.  Maybe as they approached the first Easter without Christ at their side, they sat and shared stories of how it was when he taught them.  Oh how they must have longed to have him back at their sides.

John 16:4:

   ⁴But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them. And these things I said not unto you at the beginning, because I was with you.

What an awesome strength I have found in my recollections of my few months with Mitchell. When I close my eyes and see another  precious snapshot of Mitchell’s devotion and love,  I simply call out to God and thank him for each of the precious memories he allows me to store away in my heart. God just smiles down on me, wraps his love and comfort around my shoulders, and helps me use the sweet memory to gain a deeper understanding of just how much God loves me.

It must have been that way for Moses too!  How he must have used his memories of his creative mom, quick thinking sister, the lonely princess who saved him, the father-in-law who took him in, and the many miracles God allowed him to perform along his journey to the promised land to find strength in his next task. It was the smile of God, the loving arms of the father, and the comfort of knowing that the staff God had given him could conquer anything that tried to prevent him from finishing the job he was given to do.

Deuteronomy 5:15:

   ¹⁵And remember that thou wast a servant in the land of Egypt, and that the LORD thy God brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the LORD thy God commanded thee to keep the sabbath day.

I’ll just bet that Moses did not wait until Sunday to worship the Lord. I can see him waking to see a basket on the floor of his tent, and praising God for a mom who loved him enough to save his life. As he left his tent each day and heard the voice of two siblings playing, he must have thanked God for a sister who was smart enough to get a surrogate mom for him. Then as he ate his mid day meal, one of the Israelites who looked so much like his father-in-law made him tack a word of thanks to his food blessing for kind souls who take  in strangers. 

And as he called out to God to help him quiet the next groaning of the people he was given to lead, he must have thanked God for the strength he had built into this weak, stuttering, murderer transformed into a confident, eloquent speaker that knew his sins had been forgiven. This strength formed in the many memories of a life given to God… led a band of people to a land of milk and honey. This strength of God and courage to face an unknown future…helped him complete the task he was assigned to do.